The Way

Addictions

Sex

Sex addicts may be male or female young or old, appearing normal and respectable or eccentric. They may be involved in all kinds of sexual activity from domination to sex in the open air; from voyeurism to fantasy; from pornography to self-exposure. Some behaviours, for example those involving young children are illegal, though many are not so.

* Sex addiction (the compulsive sexual behaviour described here) should not be confused with disorders such as paedophilia or bestiality.

* For some people, sex addiction can be highly dangerous and result in considerable difficulties with relationships. Like drug or alcohol dependence, it has the potential to negatively impact a person's physical and mental health, personal relationships, quality of life, and safety.

Clearly as with all addictions we must distinguish between those who enjoy sex regularly within a relationship with no hang-ups, and those who cannot go without sex and spend much of their waking life thinking about it or activities associated with it.

There are warning signs for instance where sex is used to escape from reality; where sex is ritualized or rehearsed rather than loving and spontaneous; and where sex holds a compulsion or preoccupation which puts aside everything else.

One characteristic may be secrecy of behaviours, in which the person with the disorder becomes skilled at hiding their behaviour and can even keep the condition secret from spouses, partners, and family members. They may lie about their activities or engage in them at times and places where they won't be found out.

But sometimes symptoms are present and noticeable. A person may have a sex addiction if they show some or all of the following signs:

• chronic, obsessive sexual thoughts and fantasies
• compulsive relations with multiple partners, including strangers
• lying to cover behaviours
• preoccupation with having sex, even when it interferes with daily life, productivity, work performance, and so on
• inability to stop or control the behaviours
• putting oneself or others in danger due to sexual behaviour
• feeling remorse or guilt after sex
• experiencing other negative personal or professional consequences

Compulsive behaviours can strain relationships, for example, with the stress of infidelity — although some people may claim to have a sex addiction as a way to explain infidelity in a relationship.

What should you do if you think you or your partner has a problem with sex addition? (Source: Relate)

First and foremost you need to talk to each other. Many people with addiction go through a period of denial before they feel able to accept that the problem really is an addiction that has gotten out of control. If your partner accepts that they have a problem then you need to find help for both of you. If your partner doesn't accept, or believe, that they have a problem then you can still reach out for help and support for yourself. The problem may not be addiction, but if it's something that's affecting your happiness then you can still benefit from talking to a counsellor about how you can move forward.

Raise of Sexting

** Defination: The term "sext" has been in use since 2005 and is defined as "transmitting sexually explicit messages, using a computer or mobile device. Sexting can include text messages, photos, and videos" (Net Nanny, 2018).

Sexting is becoming more common with Teens. **Survey research has shown that between 20 and 50 percent of teens have admitted to sexting, with over 60% stating that they did not realise they had violated child pornography laws (Burns, 2017; Griffin, 2014; Net Nanny, 2018). Even more worrying, between 79 and 90% of teens responded in surveys that nothing bad had happened when they sexted; thus, they shrugged off warnings of any danger (Peek, 2014; Woda, 2015).

There can be worrying and troubling consequences of sexting. Unfortunately, sexting is a phenomenon that is probably here to stay due to the "perfect storm" of teens' natural (developmental) interest in sex, an adolescent impulse to experiment, and apps that make sexing easy, accessible, and acceptable. That doesn't make it a good or safe option, however.

Some risks of sexting include: (Source: kidshelpphone)

• Permanency: you can't "unsend" a sext.
• Blackmail: sexual messages could be used to manipulate you in the future.
• Emotional health: if someone shares your message without your consent, it could affect your mental and emotional well-being.
• Physical safety: you could be harassed or bullied.
• Getting in trouble: you could be in trouble with your parents/caregivers if they find out.

What to do if you sent a sext that you regret: (Source: kidshelpphone)

• Take a deep breath: just breathe for a few minutes. Try not to be too hard on yourself.
• Contact the person you sent it to: ask the person to delete it right away.
• Talk about it: talk to a friend or safe adult about your feelings.

* Quote from www.healthline.com

** Definition from www.counsellingconnection.com

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